The Bartender Effect

One night, Jah and I made our way to “suggested” bar. It was out of our normal radius but a friend of ours, wanted us to meet the “guest” bartender. Although we normally like to stick to constants and not risk losing nights at “our bars,” we were still enthused with the prospect of meeting our mutual friend's hot bartender.

When we finally made our way to find our friend’s bartender, we saw what we expected: She was stunning. A beautiful blonde goddess in a white tank top flashing her smile and making grown men groan. However, we didn't expect for the other bartender, her roommate, to be just as gorgeous. Another treasure, this time a brunette in a tight black cut off.

 As the night endured, these alcohol serving beauties transformed into goddesses. In our minds, they were placed upon the pedestal that every other pedestal was to be judged. Fast forward a few weeks and we run across them again, via social networking. But something was wrong. They were almost ugly… it may be that they such a fall from grace reflected poorly on our new judgments on them. What the fuck had happened?

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An understanding must be made to quantify the allure one may have to a bartender. Now, it is not to say that all bartenders are beautiful. A bartender's beauty is amplified by their occupation as a bartender. A bartender's purpose is to serve the customer (you) alcohol. They bring you what you desire most.

This can be seen as through a behavioral psychologist idea of instrumental conditioning. Every time a drink is brought to you by a bartender, she is reinforcing her role during the night. She is a necessary stimulus to your conditioned response- enjoying the alcohol. Eventually, you may associate the pleasure not with only the beer but also with the bartender.

Attire also seems to be of extreme importance regarding this effect. Tight pants, a tank top, cute apron all lead to the creation of this effect. Overall, these qualities work off of each other creating an increase in the "hottness factor."

This "hotness factor" is exaggerated with the ever present unattainability factor. Never forget that the bartender is often the most unattainable person at the bar. This factor proves to the old idiom that “one wants what they can't have.”

Alcohol itself does not lend a helping hand towards the situation. A heightened state of inebriation will undoubtedly destroy one's ability to discern another person's attractiveness. It is the reason why bar managers prefer to hire female bartenders. The combination of “boobs” bursting out of tight tank tops and alcohol is guaranteed to empty wallets.